The Weight of Waiting…
This is a bit more emotional than I’m usually willing to be but it’s honest. Follow me, Girlfriends.
“Good things come to those who wait” is a saying that all of us girlfriends have been told at one time or another. Patience is the elusive virtue of waiting that we’ve been trying to master all of our lives. When we were children, we tried to control the angst of wanting to go to KB Toys or McDonalds. We did little dances, counted down the minutes or days until we walked through those doors to toy & hamburger heaven. As teenagers, we checked the mail every day for those college acceptances. We filled our days with teenage activities that stole away our attention in effort to practice patience. But of all these events; we knew that there was a date where our suffering would end.
However, as adults, we are told to practice patience in receiving the one thing that has no guarentee of ever arriving; love. Walt Disney told us that fairytale love was waiting for us. TV showed us that the undeniable love that we were owed would surely happen at college. You know-Whitley & Dwayne love. But what happens as the days of waiting go on without a hint of an end date and the cup reserved for love remains …without… love? While they tell us to keep our hearts open, they never tell us about the weight of waiting. Yes girlfriends, the weight of waiting. YOU know exactly what I mean because you feel it…right… now. As we wait, weights take up residence in the space in our souls that is reserved for love. These weights often read as follows:
1 kg- Is this thing on? *taps mic*
5kg- Did my soulmate beep me 911 when I was late on my bill? *checks beeper*
10kg- Am I not attractive enough? *hits gym*
20kg-Am in the right location? *researches best place for singles*
30 kg- Do I go out enough? *calls girlfriends*
40 kg- Do I go out too much? *orders kindle books*
50kg- Did I choose the wrong career path? *looks at degrees*
75kg- Am I not “soft” enough? Am I loveable? *plays Lemonade *
100 kg- Not everyone gets to experience love; I’m one of them. *cues tears*
Before you know it, all of these weights have summed into the unspoken but ever-present weight of waiting. The emotional fatigue of waiting, reading articles, praying & exercising faith in effort to convince yourself that you’re okay and waiting the “right way”- all result in an undeniable but clandestine weight that consumes you. It manifests itself into weight gain/loss, extreme behaviors, overcompensation, doubt…apathy. You then rebuke yourself for believing in those fairytales and denouncing love. “Why did I think that coulf be for me?”
But…while those weights are there, that cup…that space in your soul reminds you that it is highly specialized…for love. Weights are taking residence; but because it is the designated space for love- it is essentially…STILL…empty.
Unlike other posts, I can’t offer any remedy or cute anecdotal retort. All I can say is- girlfriends, the weight of waiting gets the best of us. It is rude and does not give a fig newton about your plans. You don’t have to be actively seek love. It doesn’t matter if you are waiting the “right” or “wrong” way. Doesn’t matter if you have 18 gentleman callers or haven’t been called on in 18 years. The weight of waiting for the love that you don’t know will ever happen is real and it is valid. I don’t know if we can uplift it but I do know that sometimes it helps to conceptualize what you feel and to also know that your girlfriends feel that weight too.