Cool Hand Luke Ass Niggas

Girlfriends, I come here and share some of my experiences with gentleman callers because that’s what girlfriends do, amirite? In my NiggaEncounters, it’s been this weird phenomenon where these niggas are on a quest to show that they are “cool as a cucumber”. They aren’t “beat” or “pressed”. THAT SHIT IS CORNY!  What I am wondering is, “Why is a bad thing is sweat the person that you like?” Why are they so hype to be “Cool Hand Luke Ass Niggas”? Follow me, Girlfriends.

Girlfriends, I am a woman of science and analytics where 1+1 will always equal 2. In my best experiences with gentleman callers, it always followed the pattern of he liked me…he sweated me…I sweated him back…Mutual sweat…Bliss. But presently, it seems like sweating the person you like is taboo. Wuttice dis shit? What is wrong with having the courage to show the person you like that you…I don’t know…LIKE THEM!? What bad things could I possibly say about a man that sweats me? “Oh that nigga was sweatin me his dumb ass thought I was worth his concentrated attention! Haha clown!”? Why do people feel the need to skip days between contact “just to let you know they ain’t beat?” What good does that serve? Unless you never liked the person to begin with and you’re just wasting their time-which is some other dumb ass shit for another post. 

Back to the sermon at hand, I work hard to be a deliberately good person with good energy, straight teeth and all types of things to make ppl bask in my ambiance. I work hard to BE the exact energy that I want bestowed on me. I like for my gentleman callers to show me that they dig my shit by sweating me. Call me nigga. Text me boo. Plan the dates! Cuz guess what? I’m gonna load up the selfie choppa for you. You like my lips? A bitch went to Ulta & used her rewards on a new lipstick & I’m gonna send you kissy faces. I’m gonna order all the cute clothes & panty drawers for our dates. I’m gonna touch you, I’m gonna show how I brush with baking soda by cheesin all in your presence! You look good? I’m body rollin’ on sight! We are gonna be in a MUTUAL SWEAT! 

Girlfriends, since we tend to agree on many things (that’s why we’re good girlfriends right?) if you like for your gentleman callers to sweat you, don’t accept any dry ass treatment from these Cool Hand Luke Ass Niggas. Don’t be afraid to give them the simple math of “If you like me, sweat me and I will sweat you back!” Cuz Girlfriends, ain’t much cornier than a man too cool to show you his excitement about your presense.  If he ain’t pressed then he can press on and be corny and dry with someone who likes that dry shit. As for me and MY GIRLFRIENDS, WE DEMAND THE PERSPIRATION!!!

Elle

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