I love sexy niggas and that’s my fuckin’ problem. But late last year, I found myself in a situation with a nigga that should not have gotten the chance to be in my space. I fell for all of the pomp and circumstance that comes with the “I’ve liked you since (insert educational institution) but didn’t think that I had the chance” shtick. But it was all for naught because his actions did not match his words. I was very upset because I just did not understand why he would bother me if he was not ready to put the effort in. Mind you, I am very rarely affected, but for some reason, I was beyond upset and hurt.

After this happened, I took a good look at myself and decided that I needed to get off of the field of play and figure my shit out. Generally, I make extremely sound decisions with critical evaluation.  But when it comes to these niggas, I’m dumb. My choices of and with men were not matching my desires.  I would never say that I am done with men, but I decided that I needed a break from these niggas.  So I decided to institute the Niggabatical. 

So what is a Niggabatical? Simply put, the Niggabatical is when you take a break from these niggas. It is not implemented to make you bitter or angry.  Instead, the goal of the Niggabatical is to take a step back and look at your needs, desires and patterns. It’s a time where you figure out if your choices and actions match your desires.  For example, I want an easy relationship, but I tend to like complicated men.  How exactly can I have an easy relationship with a man that is complicated? This is something that I really had to ask myself. I had to figure out why I am even attracted to them. It was then that I realized that I am a bit complicated. I also realized that my dad was complicated with everyone EXCEPT me. Therefore, I have subconsciously developed this identity of “being the exception”.  In essence, I subconsciously think that the rules do not apply to me.  In my professional life, I definitely operate this way. But I never thought about how this idea manifests in my personal relationships. This was a valuable finding and one that I could not have arrived at had I been getting dicked down by some complicated nigga.

For some girlfriends, the idea of no dick and not wasting your time with some nigga who has no intention of being anything you need is too hard to fathom.  I get it. But I encourage you to challenge yourself to a Niggabatical so that you can figure your shit out.  Learn your needs, desires and patterns so that you can stop doing the same shit over and over again.


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